Little Naughty Nid
If you say to me “Don’t do that” it is exactly what I will do. If you put rules around me, I will test the boundaries of what those rules really mean – it’s my nature and as a lawyer intellectually riveting. This sometimes led the younger me into trouble and interesting scenarios.
Farewell Naughty Nid
Since my accident I sensed that I had lost Naughty Nid. My lack of energy, deep reflective practices, need for quiet and calm – not very naughty! People told me that I was still fun, but it seemed short lived from who I once was. I could not face the consequences of the fall out from any Naughty Nid actions. I accepted not drinking alcohol or dancing all night long, but in all honesty, Naughty Nid has been the hardest part of myself to grieve.
By day 4 of yoga teacher training in Costa Rica I was unwell again, my emotions so strong that my body was weak – migraine, body aches, exhaustion and hours of crying. As I watched iguanas sunbathe on rocks and birds fly around in the trees I said farewell to Naughty Nid – she was gone and it was time for a new calm wise woman. I let go of Naughty Nid.
The Return of Naughty Nid
A month later in Nicaragua I worked with young twenty-somethings full of expectation to explore the world and experience life. They were connected – mind, body and spirit – centred, open, positive and present in their living.
A retreat group life coaching session we learnt about our ‘inner people’ – the characters that can take a hold of you at different points of your life and direct you down paths. Mine are: a cat (independent & outgoing), the stage manager (calm, organised & dependable), the mother (caring & patient), Naughty Nid (jokey mischief & adventures), and now this wise calm soul that I have been getting to know since my injury.
Full of energy we decided to rebel from our face masks and meditation session – we wanted to dance and let our inner people out! Before I knew it Naughty Nid was dancing around the yoga deck: she was set free.
The days that followed I found myself undertaking more ‘mischievous’ acts like sharing an ice-cream in a cone in the manner of passing a joint to the left) and staying up until 1am! As I found myself on a fishing boat at 6.30am with surfers floating by an island I found that Naughty Nid helped me face my fear of deep water and swimming in large waves. I could harness what was once perceived by many as mischief to free myself, face fears and new experiences, and be present in the joy of the adventure.
New Naughty Nid
Meeting Naughty Nid again I realise that she was never happy when she was younger. The acts of rebellion were an attempt to find control and intellectually debate the lines of the rules to claim her experiences away from others dictate. Eventually I had used this ability as a lawyer, which I revelled and enjoyed.
But none of these uses made my younger Naughty Nid happy – she was not free to respect her inner desires, but constrained by other’s rules and boundaries. As I set her free in Costa Rica I gave her a chance to return and blossom on that yoga deck in Nicaragua. Now she can experience the present moment without the fear of recriminations, or the debate of justifications as to her choices. Naughty Nid helps me expand into my larger self that respects my happiness in that moment.