I remember as a child I enjoyed time alone to dance around my room to myself; I would use movement to work through my emotions. My natural movement was always very flowing, less jumps and spins and more of an adage pace. I love the sensation of gentle flow – a lulling cocoon sensation of freedom with stability.
In July 2016 I experienced a ‘set back’ in my recovery and was re-traumatized. The symptoms had me lost on the tube home, wandered down streets confused, cried endlessly and in agonizing pain. I was frustrated to revisit my symptoms from two years prior, but it ignited the determination in me to ‘fully heal’. I recognised that the longer I continued in my current path the recurrences would reappear.
In the vein of my new yoga nidra training I chose to seek the answer in a meditation: be free through travel and teach was the answer. My gut knew this was vital, but I also recognised that this sudden change of heart in my life would impact people around me. Slowly I allowed the sense of what I was seeking to take nest. I would make it useful – a yoga teacher training at the end of my family holiday. I discussed this with many and allowed it to settled. But I realised I needed longer than 5 weeks, so I began to research teaching exchanges.
My organised instinct kicked in and people asked what my plans were: plan A, B and C to maximise the experience and come back with accomplished goals. As I researched the options a flood of overwhelm in the choices created anxiety for me; I could not choose! I realised that any decision made would be influenced by my current situation and growing desperation to feel free from my current cycle.
As I travelled in Costa Rica I felt the anxiety of money so I decided Nicaragua was my destination for after my training. I had put some feelers out, but refused to decide until I found clarity. Did I want to work in a yoga studio, a horse farm, a surf house? My intention to fully heal through travel with work had been challenging to visualise. I felt anxious that I could not see my dreams and future to make this journey fulfilling.
I agreed to stay a night with Grace at her new Gracious Living Oasis home-style retreat centre near Chinandega in north Nicaragua. It was a long way for me to travel and the work vague outside of teaching yoga. I wasn’t sure how much rest I still needed yet I was eager to get back into a mode of working a the healing environment. Apprehensive I arrived unsure, she asked me to teach a yoga class to the staff and within 24 hours Grace had asked me to stay for a little over 3 weeks.
I grounded and settled. The days were busy outside of teaching a yoga class there was a lot to manage as her team. But within 5 days of settling I felt the joyous emotion of nurture – fed nutritious meals all day long, supported when I felt tired to go meditate and have time alone, encouraged to join the activities offered to the guests. I felt so truly blessed to have been given this space to work and heal simultaneously.
Another job appeared to teach in Costa Rica – I have a total of two and half months work in retreat centres focused on the full person’s return to health. I could not have visualised of a more perfect scenario for my journey: to fully heal.
My anxiety for not visualising the future fell away. I understood that my larger goal when met with the trust that my gut instinct would lead me to the right decision, made for the most perfect experience. The ease at which the experiences presented themselves to me took no effort, in fact they were all purely fun and joyous.
How can you go with the flow?
- Recognise you are going around in circles.
- Get quiet & see what presents itself to you as an answer. Go big!
- If nothing seems right, don’t do any of it. Leave it and wait.
- Be open to things that may initially seem against your usual choices.
- Be effortless – there is no price to pay for happiness, you deserve it. It should just ‘fall into your lap’.
- Trust your gut feeling.