In discussing construction work issues with a yogi I highly respect where the construction was not going as agreed, it realised the concept of ‘trust’ is often misplaced when we mean ‘trust others’. No person perceives the same reality as another. This means that when we ‘trust another’ on an identical outcome it may not become the reality. This does not mean you cannot trust others, but means that when one of you is not aligned with your inner voice it is more likely that the realities will not match the supposed discussions.
As a lawyer I knew that you could trust others to look out for their own interests first regardless of the transaction. I knew my client’s interests and always represented those to my best withstanding ethical rules. I also understood that there are many ways to interpret words depending on your perspective – that’s what makes litigation a career! Intention of meaning can be genuine when it comes from another perspective, so although you may think you’re both aligned, no two sides ever see things the same way regardless of the great intentions meant at the outset of the relationship. When things don’t pan out as expected these differing perspectives appear and word play ensues, people feel that trust is broken.
My new community of yogis and spiritual healers are trusting and open people; they do not enjoy the ‘lawyer’ approach to relationships. I came across a lot of these ‘fall outs’ in London teaching in mind-body studios. I met many sufferers of head injuries who’s relationships disintegrate because they cannot see the world beyond their painful lens, which masks their own true alignment at times.
Trust works as follows:
Trust not the words said, but feel the alignment in your heart of what you want; then change your lens and perceive as the other. Be open, patient and accept another’s view of the reality. If both remain aligned then from that place your realities can meet together and trust is established. If either their or your alignment is not present, trust may feel challenged.
How does this work in practice?
- What do you really want?
- Is what you want truly good for you?
- Convey from your heart the words of what you want to the other person.
- Listen to their words, but more importantly watch their body language. Can you feel their honesty?
- Take a step back and consider that if you were them, what would you want from this situation? What is in their interest? Play with their alternative perceptions of reality from yours and pretend you’re another person!
- Then review the words and body language and see if they match.
- Continue to do this as the relationship unfolds. The more you get to know them the more you can play with the perceptions.
Rule of thumb:
If the relationship is deteriorating then trust your inner voice to tell you what the other side truly wants and needs from the situation. Trust the other person to do what is in their own interest and trust yourself that you can see it from their side, and do what is in your interest. Importantly, trust your own self and knowledge to enable you to trust others more honestly.
Their intention could be full of love and kindness, but the viewing place was a perception you would not have considered at the outset. Maintain your alignment and be patient to shift perspective.